President’s Day: Celebrating the Life of Millard Filmore
It’s President’s Day and I’m celebrating Millard Fillmore. Fillmore is generally considered in the bottom 10 of U.S. President’s and thus, never gets any love on President’s Day. I think that’s sad. He...
View ArticleThank God For the Window Seat
Last night as I flew out of Kansas City, I thanked God for the window seat. Literally. I didn’t say it because of a crowded plane or a screaming kid or a chatty traveler that I wanted to escape. Nope....
View ArticleWelcome to Burger Pony!
Horse meat is all the rage in Europe these days. Well, at least it has people raging. It seems some folks have been finding horse meat in their Ikea Meatballs (who the hell buys meatballs from Ikea...
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Today’s post is residing over at the Word Nerd’s Blog. Head on over there and show them some love and enjoy my guest post. Carry on, Citizens!
View ArticleAdidas Teams Up With Goodwill for March Madness!
Uniform maker Adidas has teamed up with Goodwill to outfit 6 college basketball teams this March. Adidas supplied the jersey tops and Goodwill supplied used Zubaz pants (with the legs cut off) for the...
View ArticleWhew! What A Year!
Today I turned 45. I don’t feel 45. I feel 37ish. Or maybe 41-like. I’m not quite sure. What I am sure of is that last year was a pretty good year. Maybe the best year ever. Definitely the best so far....
View Article32 Thoughts About the NCAA Tournament
It’s the greatest time of the year. March Madness is here and so is Spring Training, so I’m pretty much in heaven. I know a lot of pro bloggers think you should write posts with lists to get more...
View ArticleWhy Has America Failed Shakira?
Shakira on motherhood: “nobody told me it would be this hard.” I hope we have a Congressional committee on top of the complete and utter failure of the media, education system, government, friends...
View ArticleHeadlines That Make You Wonder…
Today I was scanning the headlines on Yahoo News. Here are some of the gems for May 14th, 2013: Jackson Described As “Loopy” After Doctor Visits – This begs the question: After all the bizarre behavior...
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And now for something completely different…
The old Monty Python shows used to start with that line. And for my next book, well, let’s just say it’s completely different than anything I’ve done before. Drawing on H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, and...
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He’s Kind of A Big Deal
Recently I got a new follower on Twitter. That’s not such a big deal, I suppose, but apparently this guy is. Look at his profile: This guy is a BIG DEAL. I have no idea who he is, what he does, why he...
View ArticleScrabble, German, & Widows
Due to a keen sense of needing to know useless trivia (along with not having anything else to blog about today), I have decided to answer a deeply troubling question sent in by Outstanding Citizen...
View ArticleMonitor This (Protesting The NSA, Terrorism, and Red Rider BB Guns)
It seems that our government has been spying on its citizens. You know it’s bad when the scandal per page ratio in the Washington Post is equal to the Kardashian per page ratio of Us Magazine. I for...
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Kanye West Goes Ricky & Exposes His Secret Identity
Kanye West went Ricky in his most recent interview in Rolling Stone. “I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means,” West said. “I am undoubtedly, you know,...
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Punting On 3rd Down Or Going For It On 4th
Most people who follow football know that you punt on 4th down. The decision to punt can be based on how many yards you still need to reach to get a 1st down, how good the defense is, if you’re trying...
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Free Fiction Friday: Forks
Claudia Marie and Eleanor Grace surveyed the damage below them. Chairs were broken. Dishes were shattered. A butler sobbed as he pulled a silver fork from his left buttock. Where only ten minutes...
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College World Series
Just 2 hours until game time for the Indiana Hoosiers at the College World Series! Looking forward to watching them tonight. Having watched so many CWS over the years on TV and in person, I never...
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Your Ways
I just had my 1st Father’s Day as a step dad. It was a great day, and the boys got me the coolest phone cover case ever (pictured to the left)! Teaching at Indiana University and for the State...
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The Conch Republic Adventure…
Occasionally I get letters from you, the Citizens, and this one came about an hour ago. Dear Jeff, I have heard rumors of a country called the Conch Republic. However, I can’t find it on a map. When I...
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The Conch Adventure Day 1
We’ve arrived in Miami. The flight was fine, but our journey almost began with a disaster. I left my primary blogging device back in my office. Outstanding Citizen Jodi delivered the device to us at...
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The Conch Adventure: Day 2
We’ve entered the Conch Republic. Our arrival was a bit of a let down, as we expected to be met with some fanfare. However, it appears that Americans visit this island nation quite frequently and the...
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The Conch Adventure: Day 3
The day was filled with many ups and downs. I spent the early hours at the home of Ernest Hemingway. It was time well spent as I learned about his four wives —and learned how I should not in any way...
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The Conch Adventure: Day 5
Yes, I can count. (I misspell things often, but I can count.) This is Day 5. My last post was on Day 3. There were many adventures these past 2 days, and I will try to fill you in. I’ve learned much...
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Who’s Really Number One? Kanye Versus the Asian Tiger Mosquito
Sometimes two things just go together. McCartney & Lennon, Starsky & Hutch, Proctor & Gamble. You just know it when you hear it. Or see it. Or rub it in your hair. And just like those great...
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Writer’s Block & Literary Laxatives
I’ve had writer’s block for 2 days. Maybe I got spoiled last week on my vacation. You would think that all that inspiration would have carried over, but not so much. So, I decided to write about...
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NBA Draft 2013: Seeing Candystripes
Indiana University players will go in the first round tonight. I’m looking forward to Victor Oladipo and Cody Zeller playing in the NBA. Congrats to Coach Tom Crean on the outstanding job he has done...
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The Lotus Sub Or What I Would Buy If I Had An Extra $1 Million Lying Around.
I need to raise somewhere between $500K and $1 Million by September 8th. That’s when the Lotus Sub goes up for auction. What’s the Lotus Sub you ask? It’s only the coolest car EVER! It turns into a...
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10 Reasons To Be Happy Your Alarm Went Off
My wife doesn’t like my alarm. It’s a rather harmless tune that plays on my phone. It’s not a Ratt ringtone or a crazy sound effect. It’s just the default sound that came with the phone. It’s harmless,...
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The Cottage Cheese Incident
I love the bank tube. You scientific types probably call it a pneumatic tube, but I have a fear of silent p’s, so I prefer bank tube. The bank tube is a much under appreciated invention that dates all...
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Shelves
How do you hang a shelf? With nails? Screws? Those magic hooks that don’t leave a mark on the wall when you take them down? Do you know what does leave a mark? Super glue. It will hang a shelf, though....
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Blow Stuff Up Eve
It’s Blow Stuff Up Eve. Some of you think it’s July 3rd, but it’s really Blow Stuff Up Eve. People are already ducking out of work early to celebrate the independence of our great nation tomorrow....
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Twinkies & Superman
Superman made a comeback last week. That is to say he got a reboot. Reboots are popular in the movies these days. The Hulk got a reboot. Total Recall got a reboot. Footloose got a reboot. And Titanic...
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Chucky 6 VS Trolley Dodgers 1
Five times. Five times Hollywood has trotted out Chucky for a movie. And number six is coming this summer. Chucky, in case you don’t know is a little demonic doll that seems to keep getting movie gigs....
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They Write That Stuff?
Huh? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I couldn’t be more surprised than I am now. Okay, I didn’t write that line, but most of my friends have heard it come out of my mouth more...
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The Duel: How to move our government forward.
209 years ago, the sitting Vice President shot the sitting Secretary of the Treasury. 36 hours later, he died. However, Aaron Burr never served time for the murder of Alexander Hamilton. Enter the old...
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T-Ball
I read a story today about two tee ball coaches getting into a fight this week. One was charged with assault and the the other looked like he had gone a few rounds with Manny Pacquiáo. Of course the...
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Question: What’s The Craziest Thing You Have Seen At The Airport?
I want to hear from you today. What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen at the airport or on a plane? Some of mine include: Pageant mom & daughter with matching 50’s beehive hairdos. Both were...
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Anniversary Cards
I’ve uncovered the reason why men forget their anniversaries: Hallmark. Now, I need to start by saying that I haven’t forgotten mine. It’s coming up very soon. I have even done some shopping for said...
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The Royal Crier
You can debate the name, get giddy over the size and weight, even fantasize over when the Royal Baby will be the Royal Highness. Fine. Have it all. For me, there was one singular moment that defined...
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Super Heroes & Politics
Super heroes typically try to hide their secret identities. With the exception of Tony Stark (Iron Man), guys like Bruce Wayne (Batman), Clark Kent (Superman) and Peter Parker (Spider Man) don’t want...
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Things Fall Apart, It’s Scientific
Have you ever had one of those weeks? I mean one of THOSE weeks? I’ve been having one of those weeks. So much so, that our youngest told my wife that, “the bad luck fairy is following him this week.”...
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Fantasies & Football
Some of my friends are starting a fantasy football league. I haven’t played for a few years, so I’m thinking about getting back in the game so to speak. This means that I will be the coach, GM, and...
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7 Tips for Making Yourself the Most Awesome Human Being Ever.
That got your attention, didn’t it. Well, I’m not going to let you down. I will give you the 7 tips. But first, I want to rant about list posts. Yes, this will be hypocritical because I’ve done list...
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Random Thoughts From The Airport
Do flight attendants talk to their children in the same way they talk to us when they are doing the safety instructions? “Johnny and Suzie, please remain in your seats with until the meal has come to...
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5 Real Ways Government Will Be Wasting Your Money Now That They Are Back To...
Now that the shut down is over, government can get back to doing all those things that politicians wring their hands over that are so important. Things that we can’t live without. Things like the...
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My Crazy Awesome Christmas List
My wife is having trouble finding me a Christmas gift. She says I’m hard to shop for and she’s probably right. It’s because I don’t need anything. (Except to lose weight and since she’s not licensed to...
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4 Things I’m Considering Doing for The America’s Got Talent Auditions
They’re coming to my home town! The America’s Got Talent people are coming to Indianapolis to see who has talent. There is only one problem: I don’t have talent. I can’t sing. Or dance. Or play an...
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Heavy (And Numb) is the Head That Wears the Crown
You’ve heard the saying, “Heavy is the head the wears the crown.” I’ve decided that this is a misprint of history. That phrase was coined long before spellcheck. It was meant to read, numb is the head...
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Sing Along With Me Now…
Do you sing along at concerts? Do you sing in the shower? What about at baseball games? I was at one of the Concert on the Prairie events last year and some famous opera singer was performing (along...
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Why Do We Say That?
Have you ever wondered why people say some of the phrases or idioms they use? (How many of you haven’t used the word idiom since high school?) I just saw a headline that said Cindy Crawford’s daughter...
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